Since it looks like we're going to be talking nonstop about this thing for, oh, about five straight months, let's talk: So, how do you think Seinfeld is going to end?
If you side with the contingent that claims bachelor Jerry will wed ex-girlfriend Elaine, get a new theory. The Man himself says it ain't gonna happen.
In an "exclusive" interview in the latest issue of Time magazine, on newsstands today, series star and executive producer Jerry Seinfeld says there are no walks down the aisle planned for his TV self in the remaining 10 new episodes of the top-rated sitcom.
While he's quick to shoot down that rumor, the comedian apparently isn't in the mood to blab about how the sitcom will end. In the Time article, he reveals approximately two newsworthy tidbits:
The series finale will incorporate elements of a mock documentary about the making of the series finale. (The real one...We think.) Before calling it a night, cast and crew will head East to film their first-ever episode on location in Manhattan. Big Apple-ites should get a kick out this since that's the great metropolis the show has supposedly been depicting on-screen for about nine years.
Not being shot are three episodes that Seinfeld says he wanted to make, but never got around to: "The Surprise Claymation Episode," featuring an all-Claymation Seinfeld gang; "The Bench Episode," starring the show's secondary players (i.e., Newman); and "The 3-Inch Kramer," about, presumably, a 3-inch Kramer.
That's pretty much it. The rest of the Time "exclusive"--which is not all that considering the guy's mug has been all over the place since the New York Times broke the "It's Over" story two weeks ago--is sprinkled with now-familiar Seinfeld-isms on why he decided it was time to pull the plug.
"I felt...the Moment."..."If I get off now I have a chance at a standing ovation. That's what you go for."...Yada yada yada.
Oh, wait, here's something new: "I don't really care about the money."
Yeah, no lie.
NBC, in the world's most potentially expensive case of separation anxiety, reportedly floated a deal worth $5 million an episode at Seinfeld as incentive return for a 10th season. (The tactful Mr. Seinfeld declined to confirm or deny matters of money.)
As for the future, Seinfeld tells Time he might do a talk show, but probably not another sitom; he might do movies; and he'll definitely do an HBO stand-up special (I'm Telling You This for the Last Time) this summer. Most of all, he's looking forward to catching up with life--his, ours--once production wraps.
"I missed the whole '90s," he said. "I don't know what happened."
(UPDATED at 12:30 p.m. on 1/5/97)