i read that this girl in virginia has been sneezing every 10 seconds for the last two weeks thats about 8,000 times a day which if my calculations are correct since one sneeze is one eighth of an orgasm she orgasms 1,000 times a day she is one lucky girl i wouldnt take any cold medicine if i were her by the way i am going to find some pepper to help me get the same sneezing problem yes i know im in australia but that story is way better than anything i am doing right now

my horoscope in this months life and style magazine said that my income will grow soon um im doing okay with my money so screw my income how about tell me when i will grow

i heard that in australia they have bats i wonder if that is true they say they even fly around during the day what is up with that i thought they only came out at night and i thought they turned into vampires like on that show the munsters

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everybody is excited about thanksgiving me too i love a good excuse to eat lots of food and take big naps but what i dont love is that i am going to spend thanksgiving with everybody from work i mean i like them but if they touch my food its on

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johnny depp is voted sexiest man alive and jen kirkman is really excited because he is her favorite and i think good for him he is a good looking dude but when jen says she thinks he is the sexiest man its kind of rude to chris franjola cause he wants to be the sexiest man  who votes on this anyway i didnt get a ballot

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i read that beyoncé and jay z are making baby plans i think since they are pretty big stars and have lots of money they should definitely have a baby so that they can give it lots of stuff and if they dont decide to have one then guess what i will take the stuff they would have given the baby thanks in advance guys

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levi johnston recently said that he was a gay icon no i dont think so buddy its your johnston that is a gay icon you are just carrying it around so check yourself

a giant part of brazil lost its power and all the citizens had to live through a total blackout for almost five hours i dont know why that is such a big deal ms chelsea has to live through black outs all the time

um they are making a movie out of that monopoly game that is so dumb how about i will wait until the movie chutes and ladders or better yet twister comes out seriously are they running out of ideas in hollywood call me i have better movies than that in my brain

i think they need to make new cell phones that are special for little dudes like me i dont like talking on the phone and i would prefer to text but my hands arent the right size to text and my fingers are too pudgy and i end up writing the wrong thing then everybody makes fun of me its annoying

how come there are so many magazines this time of year about how to not gain weight over the holidays they might as well just say how to not have fun over the holidays

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mike tyson got arrested again because he supposedly punched a guy in the face that was taking his picture i dont know if he did or not or if he is guilty or not but guess what maybe dont make mike tyson mad he ate somebodys ear for petes sake