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Podcast: Why Didn't Rihanna Speak Out Sooner?
INFphoto.com
Rihanna finally spoke out about domestic violence this week. What took her so long?
—via the Answer B!tch mailbox
She has broken her silence! All over the place! In Glamour! And then tomorrow and Friday on Good Morning America and 20/20! And it only took eight months.
Before we get into it, let me be clear: Nobody deserves what happened to Rihanna. Nobody. But then now, months after her boyfriend beat her to a pulp, for the first time does this very visible role model actually say anything about it.
She tells Glamour: "I want to give as much insight as I can to young women, because I feel like I represent a voice that really isn't heard. Now I can help speak for those women."
Great, but why now, you ask? Maybe because her album is coming out? Because now she wants my money?
Considering how much good can be done by Rihanna speaking up, and how much harm may have been done by her silence, that is not OK. Hear exactly why in my all-new podcast! Hit play below to listen.
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Never miss an episode! Subscribe to my free podcast on iTunes.
Why Is That Michael Jackson Movie Out for Only Two Weeks?
Sony Pictures
Is Michael Jackson's This Is It only in theaters for two weeks to get fans into a frenzy or to have the DVD out on time for the holiday season?
—James L., via Facebook
You mean you didn't dissolve into a worshipful faint as soon as you typed the words "This Is It" into Facebook? Bad consumer! Bad! Get frenzying forthwith before the Jackson family finds you unworthy.
Despite the high quality of the documentary—I understand it is quite good—yes, there is an element of manipulation at work here, in the two-week-only release schedule.
Have you been made a victim? Decide for yourself...
How Can Tweens Think Miley's Worse Than Kanye?
Steve Granitz/Getty Images
Why have the tweens suddenly turned on Miley Cyrus? There was just a survey calling her a bad influence.
—Forlu, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Like I KNOW, RIGHT? Especially because every single one of the people who voted in that survey on AOL is probably listening to "Party in the USA" right now. (And yes, Madison, Hailey, Breanna, Chloe and Zoe—I am talking to you.)
Given the raging success of the Hannah Montana movie and other Miley Cyrus juggernauts, it may seem odd that the tweens of America have suddenly decided to eat their own. They voted her their worst celebrity influence, just ahead of Britney Spears and Kanye West.
To understand why, look closer...
I'm Sick of Vampires—What's the Next Big Monster?
Columbia Pictures; Paramount Pictures; Universal Pictures
Zombies and vampires, while entertaining, are wearing thin. What do we think will be the new trend?
—Alicia Broun Lamar, via Facebook
We do not think when we are the Answer B!tch. We know. For example, we know that werewolves will make a brief stand in the movie theaters in coming weeks, but they will not represent the real trend going forward.
No. No they shall not. No offense, Benicio del Toro. I am sure The Wolfman will be a howl.
Instead, the winning beastie for the next several years is...
Is There Any Real Dirt on Selena Gomez?
Jordan Strauss/Getty Images
How come everybody seems to love Selena Gomez? You can't go anywhere to look for dirt on this girl.
—Andre H.G., via the Answer B!tch inbox
And thus the circle was squared: Your second sentence essentially answers—or at least partially answers—your question.
Tweens love Selena Gomez because—aside from her hit show (Wizards of Waverly Place, people) and music, of course—she offers just enough bubblegum intrigue to reel you in without grossing you out.
This is not Britney Spears, with her icky bare feet traipsing in and out of public bathrooms, and her erstwhile bald head leering into a paparazzi lens, and her stripper poles, and her...ew. Britney is too much for that crowd. Tweenies just want to watch some TV and, um, hear a cool song, and pretend that their favorite stars are engaged in feuds.
Nobody—except for maybe Demi Lovato or Miley Cyrus—provides a better canvas for that kind of pink sparkly unicorn fantasy.
Exactly what is Selena's magic formula? Well...
Does Jennifer Aniston Only Take Three-Minute Showers?
Barnsley, Dome, PacificCoastNews.com; AP Photo/Dave Allocca, StarPix; Jae Donnelly/INFphoto.com
I heard this really stupid tidbit, that in an effort to save the environment, Jennifer Aniston takes a three-minute shower in which she also brushes her teeth. Is this even possible? What other stupid things to celebs do to be "green"?
—Janine, via Facebook
What other? Hmmm. Selena Gomez recently announced that her yet-to-debut clothing line will be as green as can be. That may not fall under the category of "crazy," but by law anything that Gomez does is certifiably adorable.
If you're looking for celebrities closer to just plain certifiable, sure, I have some examples, including a rock icon who sells renewable grocery bags—at his concerts...
Podcast: Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the Same Guy?
George Pimentel/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images
Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the same person? Are their careers headed in the same direction?
—Veronica, via Facebook
After hours of painful guesswork I can absolutely assure you beyond any scientific doubt that Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg are not the same person.
For example, one was in Arrested Development. One was not. Also, one of them seems to really like movies with titles ending in land. You know, like Zombieland and such.
There are other hints, including a one-inch difference in height, but for all the evidence, laid out for you in convenient audio format, check out my podcast! And decide for yourself!
Hit play above to listen.
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Never miss an episode! Subscribe to my free podcast on iTunes.
Is Britney Spears Music Really Torture in Gitmo?
Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
What's with these rock artists complaining about their songs being used to faze Gitmo detainees? How can a Britney Spears song be called "torture"?
—April, Texas
Dear Person Who Has Never Heard a Britney Spears Song: There is much we must discuss.
But yes, musicians—Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and Trent Reznor among them—are reacting this week to word that music may have been used in conjunction with detainee torture at Guantanamo Bay. "The fact that music I helped create was used in crimes against humanity sickens me," is how Tom Morello put it this week.
For the record, experts tell me that "torture" may be too strong a term for the techniques in question, so, from this point on, we'll won't use "torture." We'll say "make detainees want to drive to Britney's house, park outside and swallow a glassful of lye."
So just how could folks like Britney, Eminem, Christina Aguilera—even Elmo and his pals on Sesame Street, apparently—be used as unwitting participants in Gitmo interrogations?
Well...
Can K.Stew Stop Paparazzi From Covering Her?
INFphoto.com
How can mags like OK! publish celeb photos without their permission? Kristen Stewart stated she's sick of herself in all the papers, can't she do something?
—Ana, Vancouver
As oppressed by paparazzi as your favorite Twilight stars may seem—barely able to sparkle in the sun, much less go out for a latte amid all that adoration—there is such a thing as the law.
In short, it protects freedom of expression—including news gathering and photography—from censorship by the rich or powerful. It may be stressful to be K.Stew right now, but it's not the media's job—nor, let's be clear, your job as a fan—to help her have a nice day. Especially given the profession she willingly chose and the wealth and influence it has afforded her.
So what can Kristen do, pinned down in Canada like she is? Behold, her own personalized siege strategy...
Why Does John Stamos Gotta Lie? Madonna, Too!
Fame Pictures
Why did John Stamos bother to lie about being drunk on a talk show when it was so obvious he was? And now he's confessed—why lie if you're just going to get caught?
—Cotton, via the Answer B!tch inbox
Come now. The stars, they already give us so much—sharing their mama's Cuban chicken recipe with Us Weekly and telling us that they're wearing Galliano on the red carpet. Can't a star manipulate people in peace without you greedy fans always asking for more, more, more?
I mean it's not like stars lie about everything, just every aspect of their lives—including whoppers such as...
Can Balloon Boy's Family Still Get a Reality Show?
ABC; Nancy Kaszerman/ZUMApress
How could Balloon Family get a reality show if the parents get convicted of felonies? Isn't it illegal to profit off of a crime?
—J., via the Answer B!tch inbox
It can be, yes, but from what I hear, even a conviction probably wouldn't stop these people from leaving tire tracks on their own kids in the pursuit of fame. And if there are network execs interested in the Heenes—now infamous for that apparently fake balloon drama—there could still be a reality show.
That is, if network executives aren't already too busy grooming their scales or filing their teeth into sharp points.
So how could Richard Heene and his scrappy pack of down-home weather chasers pull that off? Well, all you need to do is look to another celebrity criminal case for guidance...
Can We Blame Gosselin Mania on the Recession?
INFphoto.com
What's with the obsession over people who aren't stars, like Kate Gosselin? Is it a recession thing?
—Kaybe, via the Answer B!tch inbox
The fixation on Kate Gosselin's bank balance could be some sort of symptom of hobo times, especially when combined with breathless accounts of—Miley Cyrus! Leaving Twitter! Like, forevvvvvs! And now look—up in the sky, but not really—it's Balloon Boy!
Meanwhile, coverage of more traditionally glamorous stars like Brad Pitt or Beyoncé actually seems to be dwindling.
But does our taste in gossip really reflect our jobless rate? Well, consider this...
Podcasts
Why Did Rihanna Wait So Long?
- Also: How "This Is It" duped you, why celebs lie and what made tweens call Miley Cyrus a bad influence! All in our weekly podcast.
Where Did Gerard Butler Come From, Anyway?
- Also: Aniston, Selena Gomez, Gitmo! All in our weekly podcast.
Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the Same Person?
- Also: Gosselins, Balloon Boy and some ACTUAL celebs, too! All in our weekly podcast.
Is So-and-So Gay? What About So-and-So?
- Also: What if New Moon sucks? And why does Suri Cruise wear high heels? All this and more in our weekly podcast!
