Matt Sayles/AP Photo

"Singularly distasteful."

The Parents Television Council on Adam Lambert's American Music Awards leash demonstration? Close. The Sept. 16, 1956, New York Times on Elvis Presley's hip-censored Ed Sullivan performance.

If our outrage over rock stars is nothing new, then neither are our rock stars. From Elvis' pelvis on down, they are nothing if not dedicated to sex, more sex, the next new single, which is probably about sex, and ticking off people who prefer their s-e-x to be not so explicit, thankyouverymuch. 

Criticizing Lambert for what he did, smooched and pawed at the AMAs is like criticizing that Paula Deen lady on the Food Network because she made something with butter: It's what they do.

And the other night, Lambert did his job very well.

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Michael Loccisano/Getty Images

It is time to get off Carrie Prejean's back about her chest. The woman is correct. The Bible absolutely, positively does not say, "You shouldn't get breast implants." In those exact words.

We have reached this conclusion after seeking counsel and revving up the search engine at BibleGateway.com.

We are sorry we didn't take Prejean's word from the get-go. It just sounded like a rationalization from a beauty queen turned inspirational memoirist. But a little bit of faith would've saved us time, not to mention the embarrassment of having to ask students of the Bible for their thoughts on—how should we say?—pageant helpers.

Our findings—and, yes, our defense of Ms. Prejean—are as follows: 

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Kimberley French/Summit Entertainment

We are not prudes. We are simply scared shirtless.

With every new still of Taylor Lautner and his tersely torsoed Twilight-affiliated wolf pack, we grow concerned that our nation's impressionable young men are taking notes—and thinking about taking off their T-shirts.

What's the problem with New Moonings, you ask? Why can't guys go wild like a Joe Francis DVD? What's the downside?

Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Except all sorts of terrible things, up to and including economic ruin and wrinkles. And not necessarily in that order.

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The CW / Andrew Eccles

We hear the Parents Television Council is counting the reasons why Monday's touted Gossip Girl threesome shouldn't be aired. We see a like-minded group in South Carolina is making a similar case. And we gather some unaligned parents may be forming their own concerns.

What we don't understand is why everyone doesn't understand: Threesomes on TV are good; threesomes on Gossip Girl are better!

Go ahead, object to this.

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Kevin Mazur/Getty Images

Hey, we've got an opening monologue for Taylor Swift.

"Hi, I'm Taylor Swift, as you know," the teen titan could start off with on tomorrow's Saturday Night Live. "And I'd like to thank Kanye West for helping you know that."

OK, so the lines aren't funny. But they are true.

The SNL gig—as host and musical guest? The honor of being the first female country performer to pull that desirable double duty since Dolly Parton more than 20 years ago? The album that's been out forever and is back climbing the charts?

Yup, somebody owes Mr. West a muffin basket.

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INFdaily.com

It is so easy to scoff at every apology that comes out of Jon Gosselin's sorry mouth.

He's a joke, you say. He's a loser, you say. He poses for pictures like, well, the one above, you remind.

And most of all, you offer as final argument, he's a celebrity, and not even a very good one at that.

To you, the idea that Jon Gosselin's recent mea culpas are sincere and heartfelt is laughable. Believe Jon Gosselin?! Trust Jon Gosselin?! Root for Jon Gosselin?!

To which we simply say, yes.

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Michael Bezjian/Getty Images; Amazon.com

The way we figure, there are two kinds of Kate Gosselin people: those who don't like her and those who dislike Jon Gosselin more.

This being the case, we are baffled by news that a Kate Gosselin wig is selling out in costume stores and threatening to take over Halloween 2009 with its cowlick gone crazy.

For the love of Octomom, what is wrong you people?

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Joe Viles/FOX

Criticizing Glee is like lecturing a puppy—you end up feeling like the bad guy.

Puppies, like Glee, are cute, energetic and a whole lot more fun to watch than a police procedural. Why can't you just enjoy them as they are, for what they are? 

Because.

Because some things must be said. No matter how hard. No matter how adorable the offender.

Puppies, you must not pee on the carpet.

And, Glee, you must do something about your music.

You're totally making Cory Monteith sound like Cher.

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Sony Pictures

Richard Heene, you're going to dig this story.

So, the other day we were kicking back, studying the Maya calendar, when we made two shocking discoveries:

• One, the ancient timekeepers totally predicted the movie 2012!

• Two, they totally nailed your family's Balloon Boy saga from start to Wolf Blitzer finish!

Not to brag, but here's how we did it—and, Mr. Heene, feel free to source us in any future reality-TV proposal:

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Summit Entertainment

Summit Entertainment was so excited it had to tweet: "Due to overwhelming demand, THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON soundtrack is being released this Friday!"

And we were so confused we had to ask: Hey, Summit, is there not overwhelming demand for the movie?

By your studio reasoning, shouldn't we get that early, too? What's so special about Nov. 20? What's wrong with Oct. 20? Or, hey, what about Friday?

Won't work, you say, Summit? Too soon, you say, Summit?

To which we say, are you kidding?

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INFdaily.com

It's not the worst idea Jon Gosselin's had. In fact, ending his family's TV show just may be the best idea the reality dad's had since, um, well, let's just say in quite some time.

But what if, gasp, Kate Gosselin was the one who was right on this?

What if, double gasp, continuing the show would be the best thing for the Gosselin children?

Absurd? Nope.

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CBS

There's a famous moment in Mad Men where ambitious Pete Campbell, who's figured out Don Draper isn't who he says he was, spills his boss's Dick Whitman secret to Sterling & Cooper's senior partner. The senior partner mulls the disclosure, and then dismisses it.

"Mr. Campbell," says Bert Cooper, "who cares?"

David Letterman's real-life sex scandal is nothing at all like Don Draper's fictional identity crisis.

And yet, just maybe, our reaction should be the same at Bert Cooper's.

Who cares?

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