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Update
How Much New Moon Cash Will Rob and Kristen Get?
Lester Cohen/Getty Images
UPDATE: I've been tirelessly searching for more precise numbers on how much cash Rob and Kristen got for New Moon, and have updated below.
About New Moon: With all these pots of money the movie is earning, does the cast get to share in the windfall? At the very least will they gets cars or Rolexes or something? And are these kids finally A-listers now?
—Scarlett via the Answer B!tch inbox
As much as you may think that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart each deserve a brand new shiny Volvo for delivering all that magic over the weekend, as far as I know, they'll just have to settle for millions of dollars.
As for a piece of the action and other perks, well...
Were Miley and Selena Told to Diss New Moon?
Gregg DeGuire,Chris Polk/WireImage.com
Why are people so up in arms about the comments Miley Cyrus made about not liking Twilight? I'm sure there are plenty more people out there that don't care for it either.
—LeAnn, via Facebook
Miley Cyrus—and fellow Disney pixie Selena Gomez—sure do dislike themselves some Twilight, yes they do. Miley told a radio station this week: "It's a cult. I don't believe in it." And Gomez then confided in Bonnie Hunt that when it comes to the Saga flicks, "I don't watch them."
Which is odd, because just this past June, she was asked about Twilight and said: "It was good. It was really good."
Hmmm.
What people are wondering here is whether Miley, and now Taylor Lautner's punkinhead of an ex, were compelled to say nasty things. Because no teenager is allowed to hate Edward Cullen. It is the Tween Code, and it must never be rent asunder. So, people assume, something sinister must be going on, and by "sinister," people suspect "Disney." Did the Mouse have a hand in this?
Well...
Why Is That Michael Jackson Movie Out for Only Two Weeks?
Sony Pictures
Is Michael Jackson's This Is It only in theaters for two weeks to get fans into a frenzy or to have the DVD out on time for the holiday season?
—James L., via Facebook
You mean you didn't dissolve into a worshipful faint as soon as you typed the words "This Is It" into Facebook? Bad consumer! Bad! Get frenzying forthwith before the Jackson family finds you unworthy.
Despite the high quality of the documentary—I understand it is quite good—yes, there is an element of manipulation at work here, in the two-week-only release schedule.
Have you been made a victim? Decide for yourself...
Podcast: Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the Same Guy?
George Pimentel/Getty Images; Jason Merritt/Getty Images
Are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the same person? Are their careers headed in the same direction?
—Veronica, via Facebook
After hours of painful guesswork I can absolutely assure you beyond any scientific doubt that Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg are not the same person.
For example, one was in Arrested Development. One was not. Also, one of them seems to really like movies with titles ending in land. You know, like Zombieland and such.
There are other hints, including a one-inch difference in height, but for all the evidence, laid out for you in convenient audio format, check out my podcast! And decide for yourself!
Hit play above to listen.
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Never miss an episode! Subscribe to my free podcast on iTunes.
How Much Michael Jackson Is Too Much Michael Jackson?
I am so sick of Michael Jackson, already, let him rest in peace. Why are they giving his movie 15 premieres? Are people really going to see this?
—Darryl, via the Answer B!tch inbox
How dare you, sir? Only "legend," "king," "icon"—or a repeat of "legend"—can be used in discussing Michael Jackson and his incredibly special, totally humble family. A man has died.
According to my research, you share a mindset with thousands, probably millions, of other feckless, Godless people worldwide. But not enough feckless, Godless people worldwide.
Even now, nearly three months after Jackson's family trotted out his gold-cased corpse on live TV, some people still want to see the upcoming documentary This Is It.
How do I know? Well...
Did Jennifer's Body Bomb Because of Megan Fox?
Doane Gregory/20th Century Fox
Haven't I seen Megan Fox everywhere lately? So then why did her movie bomb?
—Wyayay
You speak of Jennifer's Body. And boy did it bomb.
The movie supposedly—supposedly—cost only $16 million to make, a figure that analysts highly doubt, given the rising-star cast and the fact that the screenwriter is Diablo Cody, who won an Oscar for Juno. But Body grossed only about $6.8 million this weekend.
That, children, is what's known as a bloodbath.
Perhaps you'd like to blame star Megan Fox; if she'd gotten naked, would that have changed anything?
The answer is...
Can a Lawsuit Stop That New Jen Aniston Flick?
Kimberley French/ Universal Studios
Can anyone really stop the mighty Jennifer Aniston from releasing her new movie on time?
—Joku
The Aniston may wield all sorts of clout in this country—but it's a studio, not a star, that usually dictates when you get to see a film.
And that includes Love Happens, the Aniston-Aaron Eckhart flick that Universal is trying to release, despite an 11th-hour lawsuit from two writers who say the studio stole their script. The writers want a federal judge to halt the release or just, you know, maybe give them $100 million.
If that demand sounds like a joke, wait till you hear what my lawyer friends are saying about the rest of the suit...
Can Obamas or Cruises See Any Movie, Any Time?
Jonathan Wenk/Sony Pictures Entertainment, AP Photo/Charles Dharapak
Since when can Bill Clinton just call up a studio and order a copy of a movie that's still in theaters? Somebody needs to tell him he isn't president anymore.
—Pala
Correct. He is not. Bill Clinton does, however, still wield legendary Gonads of Diplomacy, which freed two imprisoned journalists from North Korea—and which, apparently, enjoy chick flicks like The Ugly Truth. Ditto with first lady Michelle Obama, who arranged a private screening of Julie & Julia at the White House—one month before it opened.
Now, this is not a case of somebody sending over a DVD movie screener. We're in much too high a stratosphere for that. If you're powerful enough, you enjoy only big-screen movies, messengered to your home, direct from the source, in a kind of elite library system for the rich and famous...
Do the Harry Potter Kids Ever Have to Work Again?
Flynet
How rich are the Harry Potter kids? I imagine they are set for life.
—Eric, Sacramento, Calif., via Facebook
Set for life, yes, but not just any life. A life of skiing at a private chalet, raking in cash from multimillion-dollar real estate investments, fighting boredom by modeling for luxury fashion houses, and picking only the artsiest, lowest-budget and most BAFTA-chasing movies available.
Just how crazy rich are the three kids we've watched work their way through Hogwart's? Well, let's start with that ski chalet...
Can Twilight Saga Survive Major Recasting Drama?
Warner Bros. Pictures, Paramount Pictures, Summit Entertainment
Sign the petition to bring back Rachelle Lefevre to the Twilight movies! The series will die without her, and fans will protest!
—Twiharder
Right, right. Because when The Mummy franchise traded in Rachel Weisz for Maria Bello, the earth bled, and every Pope who ever lived rose up out of the ground and wept. Don Cheadle is replacing Terrence Howard in the upcoming Iron Man movie, by the way. Just in case you want to stage a sit-in outside the Marvel Comics building and give poor old Stan Lee a coronary.
Now listen. No series has ever died because of a recasting. Terrible directing, sure. But not recasting. In fact—here I go! I'm gonna say it!—the Twilight Saga just might be better off ditching Rachel Lefevre in favor of Bryce Dallas Howard, if history is any indication...
Did Channing Tatum Get Married to Sell G.I. Joe Tix?
LG Villa
Convenient that Channing Tatum is engaged just as his G.I. Joe movie releases. Do publicists have a say in celeb marriage?
—JCabalona, via Twitter
You speak of the criminally sexy union between Step Up costars Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan. The two got married two weekends ago in Malibu, in what was surely an all-singing, all-dancing festival of their love.
And as you've already noted, Tatum has this G.I. Joe movie coming out next month. Maybe you read about the flick in the media's wedding coverage, or maybe you learned about it after seeing Tatum shirtless on the cover of GQ.
You also speak of the hinky timing of the wedding, but really, son. You're not thinking big enough...
Did Joan Jett "Pick" Kristen Stewart to Play Her?
Element/Fame Pictures
Do celebrities really get a say in who plays them in the biopic? Did Joan Jett really "pick" Kristin Stewart?
—AntidoteProject, via Twitter
Most of the time—assuming that the subjects are still alive—they get no binding say in who plays them. Then again, most producers aren't stupid, at least in this area. They'll often seek out a "blessing" from the subject, along with a bunch of meetings between the actor and the subject that can later be used for cutesy talking points.
Producers hate to give up creative control of a project, but they really, really don't want to piss off the subject of a biopic. Otherwise the icon might take to the Internets and crack off about how non-iconic that rotten young punk of an actor was.
Not that Joan Jett seems to have a problem with Kristen Stewart wearing her hair and leather in The Runaways. In fact...
Podcasts
Is R.Pattz Really the Next Keanu Reeves?
- Yes, but Kristen Stewart is not the next Natalie Portman. All this and more in my new weekly podcast!
For real, Taylor Lautner = Matt Damon
- Pretty much an all-Twilight/New Moon episode this week. With some strippers thrown in. All in our weekly podcast.
Why Did Rihanna Wait So Long?
- Also: How "This Is It" duped you, why celebs lie and what made tweens call Miley Cyrus a bad influence! All in our weekly podcast.
Where Did Gerard Butler Come From, Anyway?
- Also: Aniston, Selena Gomez, Gitmo! All in our weekly podcast.
