The Awful Truth

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Dear Ted:
Am I the only one that found it ironic when Natalie Portman basically compared eating meat to condoning rape, considering that as a signer of the Roman Polanski petition she actually is condoning rape? I like her as an actress but that kind of crap is seriously making me rethink.
—Bridget 

Dear Pissed Off Portman:
Now, I love N.P., but I'm not a fan of some of her beliefs. Obviously, the comparison exists, and it's not a great one. Maybe she should say she's sorry like I did.

Dear Ted:
I know you keep saying Tay-Tay is for publicity, but are they emotionally and physically attracted to each other? I love Tay-Tay.
—Jamie 

Dear Hopes for TaySquared:
Duh—they are horny teenagers, after all.

Dear Ted:
I am what is referred to as a "Balehead" because I am somewhat of a Christian Bale fan...OK maybe an obsessed fan! I have to know: Has Christian Bale ever been a B.V.?
—Tex  

Dear B-Brain:
So are members of Team Awful. But the answer's no. What needs to be blinded about that boy's issues? They're already out there!

Dear Ted:
OK, I get the whole I'm a young celebrity who is trying to be a badass stoner, but its totally getting old. I don't care what people think of me either but damn, Kristen Stewart, a shower and stylist wouldn't kill you. And I also get the whole hush-hush about Robert Pattinson and Kristen being together or not. She's on the big screen and if Kristen didn't want people knowing about how effed up she was, then she should have been a waitress.
—Cherry

Dear Vents for Stewart:
My, my what did Kristen ever do to you? Think of K.S. as a breath of fresh air—which I welcome after the Lohan, Hilton, Spears era. 

Dear Ted:
Do you think that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally figured out that people were getting sick of them, or do you think the reason for their low profile lately has anything to do with major trouble in paradise? Still seeing a breakup for them soon? Come on Ted, share.
—Sun

Dear Quiet on the Brange Front:
No news is usually bad news in Hollywood. Think it actually might be in Brangelina's favor here, though. Yeah right.

Dear Ted:
Love you—and I'm not just saying that because I'm a fellow gay, recovering drunk/addict. I'd adore you and your posts even if you were straight and a normie...well, maybe not "adore." One question, one vent—question: out of dyke curiosity, does Jodie Foster now regret her decision to ditch her partner/parent to her children in favor of that fling? And vent: How can Perez Hilton be allowed to post when the boy doesn't understand the English language and his gossip is about as "juicy" as intentionally leaked tidbits in Us Weekly? You're the only one I trust, Teddy.
—Jkr 

Dear Frisky Foster, Poo-Poo Perez:
Foster regrets little, never been her style. No comment on Hilton, he does a respectable job stirring the pot, which is, after all, our job. And thanks for the love, sendin' it right back to you with a big sloppy gay kiss.

Dear Ted:
Have you ever been pressured by a B.V. subject's lawyer to back off on them? That must suck!
—Miranda

Dear Great Question:
And get this: She wasn't even who the Vice was about, she only thought it was! Was over Jordache Junky, who still remains vice-ridden and very much at large, by the by.

Dear Ted:
I know enough people are tired of Twilight stories, press, etc. (including me, but that's beside the point). My question is: Are you beginning to get bored with the whole thing? You seem to answer the same questions over and over and over. I can imagine it would get frustrating. If you're not over Twi yet, are there any stories, other than Lindsay Lohan, that you are too over to write about? P.S.: Huge fan!
—K

Dear Easy One:
Gosselins. Gag me. 

Dear Ted:
Becky Bain gave me your email address. I'm a big fan of yours, and I just wanted to thank you so much for featuring me on your website. It got a ton of comments, and your support of the segment means a lot to me. Thank you thank you thank you!
—Bryan

Dear Sure Thang:
Any friend of Becky's is a friend of the A.T. Keepin' on makin' trouble, girlfriend!

Dear Ted:
Given the new quotes from Jackson Rathbone in Glamour UK re groups in the bedroom, etc., is Jackson one of your Blind Vices? He does travel all over with the fine young men in 100 Monkeys...That's nothing if not an excellent opportunity. Thanks!
—Rpattzlawyer

Dear Rathboner:
Not directly, no. At least, not yet, anyway.

Dear Ted:
I just wanted to hear your take on the whole Sarah Palin vs. Levi Johnston drama. The whole thing is a total trainwreck, but I just can't make myself look away! Do you think there's some truth to L.J.'s accusations against Palin, or is he just making it all up to further fame-whore himself? Love that Kathy Griffin chose him to be her date! Friggin hilarious!
—Thenoon 

Dear Please, No:
I'd rather talk about Kathy till my face turns blue, but I can't open Palin's Pandora box. She's so 2008—let's leave her there. Although I may change my mind soon.

Dear Ted:
So it looks like Johnny Depp's going to be in a movie with Angelina Jolie. Just wondering how solid you thought the Johnny Depp-Vanessa Paradis relationship was? Thanks!
—Marian 

Dear Hold 'Em Close:
Pretty solid, actually. Lets hope it's solid enough, though.

Dear Ted:
On one of the many red carpets that George Clooney has been doing he was caught asking his current girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis, if she was smiling for the cameras. Is there already trouble in paradise?
—La dolce vita

Dear Italian Goss:
Please, she knew what she was getting into when she agreed to publicly date G.C. After all, is there any other way?

Dear Ted:
I normally love reading your column, but you're sending some very mixed messages with your feelings about women. First, you say all women should be outraged by David Letterman's affair with a staffer. Then you say Gwyneth Paltrow deserves to have her husband kissing another woman because she's boring? What? When you're married, you're married and while kissing may not be the worst form of cheating, it's still cheating. No one's holding a gun to Chris Martin's head and forcing him to stay married. While I don't necessarily like Gwyneth, I'm guessing Chris knew what he was getting into when he married her. So if this whole rumor is true, he needs to suck it up and end the marriage if he's that unhappy instead of running around on the mother of his children.
—Faithful

Dear Confused:
I did not say G.P. "deserved" anything of the kind. I just said it's no wonder people are wondering who else Martin might or might not be kissing, that's all.

Dear Ted:
I am a huge fan of yours and I check your site daily for all my Twilight gossip. Have you read the quote from the EW roundtable where K.Stew basically confirms she is dating R.Patz? She said that she would have talked about it if it weren't for the frenzy. My question is will Summit shut her up or is she finally about to admit they are a couple?
—DLNB

Dear Hardly:
Kristen will talk on her terms when she wants to about Rob. And that ain't happening for a while.